VelociPastor (2018) 5 Star #MovieReview


VelociPastor (2018) Movie Review

With a name like VelociPastor, how can you resist watching?

Let’s start with the synopsis: After losing his parents, a priest travels to China, where he inherits a mysterious ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first horrified by this new power, a hooker convinces him to use it to fight crime. And ninjas.

I know. It’s amazing. Frankly, I’m jealous that I didn’t think of this premise. The movie starts with an introduction of Doug Jones, a priest and our soon-to-be dino crime fighter. His parents are killed in a car crash, but if you’re expecting to see stunning CGI effects with this movie’s $35,000 budget, you’re mistaken. Instead, director/writer/editor Brendan Steere sets the comedic tone of this crazy and wild ride with an, um, fill in effect. (Watch it to see his brilliance!)


After his parent’s death, Doug Jones decides to take some time off and travel to China. He’s exploring the woods when a he stumbles upon a ninja, freshly shot with an arrow and clutching a large dino tooth. He takes the tooth, stumbles backwards, cuts his hand and bam! Blood mixed with the tooth and now he is the Dragon Warrior, or as I will refer to him from now on VelociPastor.

At first, he doesn’t know his own strength, but thankfully, he soon meets and teams up with the lovely Carol, a prostitute with a heart of gold who is a hooker in order to pay her way through pre-med/ pre-law school. She is his northern star, and helps him control the beast within himself while giving him a focus. Kill criminals.

Oh, and then there’s the ninjas. They want to kill him, since he’s the last Dragon Warrior. The last fight scene in the movie between VelociPastor and the head ninja had me cracking up.

But what makes this movie stand out among cheesy low budget horrors?


Sure, the premise helps, but the editing and actual presentation of events kept me intrigued. For example, there’s a love scene. Okay, that wasn’t really a surprise and I was just expecting a typical depiction of them consummating their relationship, but the screen gets cut into several blocks, each with a different camera POV, each with a different coloring and suddenly, the “cheesy” factor raises high and I’m glued to the screen.

The actors also help make this a stand out. Greg Cohen (Doug Jones) and Alyssa Kempinski (Carol) fully commit to the ridiculous plot and fun dialogue. They clearly loved their roles and it showed, making me love them as well. But let’s talk makeup and effects. No, there’s no big CGI, but there are some pretty cool physical effects. And we do get to see the transformation from man to dino, including the entire VelociPastor in daylight. It truly is a thing of beauty.

This movie has rocketed to one of my favorites within the genre. Please, give it a try! 5 stars